Episode 79: Managing Sibling Conflict & ADHD with Jacquie Ward
Podcast Host: Sharon Collon
It's Sunday afternoon. Your kids cannot even walk past each other in the hallway without touching, baiting each other constantly and starting something. Every single interaction is a battle and somewhere in the middle of it you're thinking, when these two grow up, they're just never going to be friends. Does that scene feel familiar?
Jacquie Ward (00:20)
This would have to be one of the most common things that I hear about in my sessions with parents that are coming in to talk about the struggles in the home. Sibling conflict is right up there at the top. And that language that you shared, it's identical. They say to me, they can't even be in the same room. And that obviously causes chaos for the whole family. But I think what's actually happening underneath is this feeling of like,
There's a bit of shame underneath it, I think, Sharon, you why can't our family get along and what does this mean? You know, we start to look to the future. What's it going to mean for the future as well?
Sharon Collon (00:53)
If that's your house, stay with us today. We're exploring why this is happening and giving you the framework that changes everything.
I'm Sharon Collon, a credentialed ADHD coach and mom of three beautiful boys with ADHD. And today I've brought in the incredible Jacquie Ward. now tell everyone who you are, Jacquie.
Jacquie Ward (01:13)
Thanks Sharon. So my name is Jacquie Ward. I am a registered psychologist and I work with children, adolescents and their families in my work every day. Important for you to know too that I too am a mum of three, including an ADHD. So for me, this is personal as well as professional.
Sharon Collon (01:29)
I have really enjoyed learning everything there is to know about sibling conflict. Jacquie and I have been working on this project for over a year. And the reason that we have been doing it is because it is the number one
point of conflict, probably parallel with screen time that people bring to their family coaching session and also in Jacquie's psychology practice.
Jacquie Ward (01:48)
Sharon, one of the things I hear most commonly from the parents I support is that the belief that sibling conflict in their homes is more intense, more frequent or both typically as well in families where ADHD is part of the mix. And I don't think that's something they're imagining, are they?
Sharon Collon (02:03)
They are definitely not imagining It is harder in our homes too.
ADHD adds specific ingredients that amplify every standard sibling dynamic. This episode exists to explain the why and give parents something real to do. We're not here to add to the mental load. We're here to lighten it. Let's talk about why ADHD creates the perfect storm for sibling conflict. There are six factors we see again and again. Jacquie, do you want to take us through them?
Jacquie Ward (02:31)
Yes, let me do that.
When you talked about the ingredients coming together to create this perfect storm, think that is such a perfect explanation of what we're seeing. And these will be things that perhaps as parents of little ones with ADHD or ADHD yourself, you're aware of, but it helps just to spell them out, I think, and look at them in a big line up. So let's consider the fact first and foremost, dysregulation. We know that emotions are felt intensely in ADHD brains. So
sometimes with siblings that can look like a small, what would be a small annoyance, perhaps for one of their neurotypical peers or another child, looks like a huge, huge upset. And they go from nought to a hundred really quickly. I'm talking about the times like, he bumped me, he poked me, or someone looked at me the wrong way, right? So in addition to open motion dysregulation, we also have impulse control. This is at the core of so much sibling conflict. And it's the reason why things tend to escalate really quickly when there's no gap at all between
thought and reaction or action, it's a perfect scenario for things to really blow up. Okay? We've got black and white thinking, that real rigidity of right and wrong that we see in so many of our ADHDs. This can be a real strength, you know, of their thinking too, but sometimes when it comes to considering the shades of grey or perhaps maybe what someone actually meant in a scenario and how it played out, it can be really challenging. And this one sends a lot of parents into referee mode, which I know we're going to talk about.
in this particular workshop series. We've got low frustration tolerance. This is hard. When losing is really hard and is met with explosivity or upset, it can make it really hard to playdate with kids like that. We've got difficulty reading social cues that can open up a whole can of worms in terms of understanding when our siblings have had enough, when things are just meant to be banter and lighthearted and fun, but they tip over into something that's hurtful.
And speaking of that, we add in the mix of rejection sensitivity or justice sensitivity as well that is felt so intensely for ADHD is at time. And is it any wonder that we've got sibling conflict when we think about it?
Sharon Collon (04:33)
When one child has ADHD, these factors show up daily. When two or more have ADHD, you're layering storms on top of each other. This isn't personality, it's neurology doing what it does.
Jacquie Ward (04:46)
Sharon, in preparing for this workshop series, I know something that you've talked about a lot with me is a concept around executive functioning that you use when you support parents all the time. Can you walk us through
executive functioning age versus chronological age and why that's relevant?
Sharon Collon (05:01)
I think it's really relevant when it comes to managing our own expectations around what our kids are actually capable of in this time. So we know that a person with ADHD, a child with ADHD is going to be a minimum 30 % behind their peers in terms of executive function development. Now, if you've been listening to this podcast for a while, you know I talk about this all the time.
But I really think it's something I need to get tattooed on my hand because I'm looking at my 17 year old in front of me and I'm expecting them to be a 17 year old. And what's worse, I'm comparing them to my brother's kids who are 17, right? I'm comparing them constantly, but we know that that is not where his maturity age is. So if you've got a 10 year old and I'm choosing 10 because you guys know, I'm private mass, right?
And if you've got a 10 year old with ADHD, they're regulating and having executive executive functions, β challenges more like a seven year old. And that's, like it could be more significant. And so we really need to look at what it's age appropriate, not in terms of age, but actual executive function development. And that's why one of the reasons why I think it's so important that we're doing this series Jacquie, because we need to have practical tools.
For before it happens and also in the moment when it happens. Cause if we're just sitting around waiting for my 17 year old to be a 17 year old, we're going to be waiting.
Jacquie Ward (06:23)
I really, really love that you've raised that. And I think it's such an important place to start from in these kinds of conversations. Because when we have that, that what's developmentally appropriate and expected for our kids, dependent on the way that their brain is wired, it really sets us up for success so much better than if we're just coming in blind and reacting.
So I really, really love that.
Sharon Collon (06:43)
So I wanted to ask you some questions since we've got you and I love how you explain things. I want to talk about the family nervous system. Now, one of your zones that you, I hear you talk about when we've been working together is the polyvagal theory, but you talk about it in really plain language, which I think we need. We've got a lot going on up here, right? I'm indicating my brain. Why does the whole house feel it when one child is dysregulated?
Jacquie Ward (07:07)
Yeah, I guess the simplest way to explain that is something called emotional contagion. And if you are in a family, whatever your family dynamic looks like or who makes it up, you will be aware that this is a very, very real thing. So you mentioned polyvagal theory. That is just the scientific sort of framework that we use. This comes out of a lot of the work with or the training I did with Robin Goble, who's brilliant. But what we're really talking about here and what matters for us as parents is
acknowledging that we all come to the family dynamic with our own nervous system. They're all individually set up and responsive in different ways. However, here's where it gets really tricky. When we exist in a family unit, as we do, it is impossible. Well, they don't exist in isolation. All our nervous systems are impacted by each other. So a dysregulated child, for example, or parent, can really tip off the whole room just in the way that they're showing up with their nervous system. We need to be mindful of that.
both from the perspective of our kids when they're in conflict with each other or us, the impact that that has on our nervous system and reciprocally the impact that our nervous system and the way we show up in these scenarios impacts them.
Sharon Collon (08:14)
Do you know something I wanted to mention here too, is that sibling conflict at home is one thing. I know I'm going a little bit off topic now, but I think this is relevant. But sibling conflict when people are watching you, so you're at the family barbecue.
or you're at Bunnings, that's a whole other thing, right? Like when you feel like you're getting judged for your response, your nervous system would be doing absolute like, well, it is like, let's, I'm not saying you, we would be because it happens all the time in our families. But it makes it so much more intense when people are watching you respond for it. No wonder we're having such big reactions.
Jacquie Ward (08:52)
Without doubt, right? And this, what we were talking about there is something I think so many families
we're speaking to here will relate to that feeling of anticipatory, like hypervigilance, where you're on eggshells. And this comes from a history of navigating sibling conflict. You know how it could escalate. You've seen the blowups. You've been in the middle of there, of the metaphorical or real boxing ring. And so we're constantly anticipating what's going to happen. How can I hit it off? Is this going to blow up in Bunnings or at my family barbecue while my sister-in-law is watching and her kids are peacefully playing UNO?
on the table, you know? So any one of our nervous systems are significantly impacted in this scenario.
Sharon Collon (09:29)
I think what we've identified here is that we know sibling conflict is going to happen. It's going to happen in families with ADHD. But what can take some of the stress out of it is having a clear pathway or a procedure that we follow when it occurs. So it's not about like stopping it from occurring. Kids are going to find.
Right? Like kids are going to, and you're way more relaxed with your own siblings than you are. Like you're likely to push things way more to the limit. Which I'm going to be sharing a few of my family stories in our workshop series that we're doing coming up, because they're hilarious. My mom's blocked them out with trauma. But what we want to do is really give people clear in the moment strategies, so preventative strategies, but also clear in the moment, because that's when it takes the stress out of it.
Because if you're searching and scanning around the room when you're already dysregulated and your nervous system is doing backflips, you won't be able to recall the right strategy in the moment. So we need to have that really ingrained script that you can just say, and you can deescalate the situation rather than causing your own cortisol to spike.
Jacquie Ward (10:33)
Absolutely. think you nailed it. I think it's too much of an expectation on ourselves to think that we're going to be able to think clearly and logically without preparation when the heat is on.
So this is a pivot point too, Sharon. Once parents truly understand all this, know, what we've just sort of covered in that first part of our chat today, it is a bit of a game changer because we can look, A, with more empathy at the situation for our kids, but also for ourself and also be super pragmatic about what we're dealing with. And with that understanding, everything changes. I thought this might be a good point if you feel comfy sharing your Blue Mountain story with everyone.
Sharon Collon (11:06)
Always. β So I was, I wanted to tell you this story about
profound sibling conflict. And it's when something switched gears for me as to what I realized what was going on underneath some of the sibling conflict in our house. Now my kids fight. I don't want to like romanticize it as in like, I'm a parent expert whose kids just never fight. Like they fight, they fully lay into each other, right? Like there's three kids with all different things going on, strong sense of fairness and justice, plus they're super active and lots, there's always lots happening.
But on this particular day, it was Mother's Day and we were driving to the Blue Mountains to have a fun family day out. Now, those who listen to this podcast, the car is a particularly vulnerable time for my family. We're putting people in close proximity. Usually I would sit in the back. I would actually sit in the middle seat in the back to stop the fighting. But on this day, I was feeling a bit nauseous and I just, I put myself in the front because I couldn't guarantee being okay in the back.
And my middle, they all fight over the middle seat. No one wants to be in the middle. And my eldest was in the middle and he was just not coping, not coping with the injustice of being in the middle. He was not coping with his brothers touching him. They were baiting him the whole way. I think we had blood spilled. I think he elbowed someone and we busted a nose. Everyone was crying. Everyone was like, my husband was like, I think I'm going to have to pull into a police station. He's like, this is too much.
I don't know if I can steer this ship. was just a whole lot. And it added to the pressure. It was supposed to be a magical mother's day, right? That pressure always causes my family to escalate. And so I'm like, it's going to be a nice day. Nice day, guys. Please be nice. And anyway, it was not nice. It was really awful. And my eldest was just the driver behind a whole lot of it. He couldn't settle. He was just baiting and baiting and leaning into his brother's
hurting the whole thing. Anyway, we were in the front just talking like going, this is awful. Like this is a mistake. We shouldn't have done this. Like we can't bring him for these things, you know, all of that. was just, it was not great language. But anyway, we were at our stress threshold. But the part that I didn't anticipate is he got out of the car and started crying when we got there. And I was like, mate,
Like you've just been the whole time, like antagonizing everyone. Why crying? Like what, what is, what is going on? And he was like, no one likes me.
And I was like, what? Like he's just actively tried his hardest to ruin this trip. And he is crying because no one likes him. Like we've got blood spilled in the car. Like, hold on, this is something bigger. He couldn't control.
that dysregulation. was so dysregulated about coming on the trip, about leaving home, about being in the middle, about his sense of fairness and justice, like being, because he didn't want to sit there. He was so anxious and he so needed connection in that moment. But because we tried to push him through, not only was it a thousand times worse, not only did we have blood on my car seat, but we had, we had this awful trip. We should have just stopped for a couple of seconds, let him walk around, let him reset.
and I should have put myself in the back, but it clicks something in me that he couldn't control this. This wasn't a decision that he was just doing it to be awful. He was really struggling in that moment and we missed it.
Jacquie Ward (14:26)
Yeah. It's such a, I mean, we laugh because it's relatable. We've all been there from the special family day and the photos that you smile for and it's been like hell getting there. It's so telling Sharon. I love, I love when you share that story because
There's always more to it. It's never just no kid enjoys feeling like the antagonizer or the difficult one or whatever, even if it looks like it. Sometimes it really looks like they're enjoying that, but there's always something more to it. And that's why this conversation is so powerful.
Sharon Collon (14:54)
And you know, understanding this stuff doesn't actually stop the behavior, but what it does is stops our reaction. If I had have put any thought into this, instead of thinking,
I was running all these narratives of like, can't do this, we can't go out as a family like this, we're gonna have to just live indoors, like we can never do anything. All of that narrative wasn't actually helping anyone in that moment, it was making me feel trapped and it was escalating the situation. But if I had have had the scripts that we're gonna be giving people in the workshop, in that moment, I could have reset everyone instead of pushing through that very hard time and having my son cry about no one liking him.
Jacquie Ward (15:28)
Amazing, A real wife for us both, no doubt.
So speaking of the action, moving it on, understanding, as you said, is so powerful, but I fully appreciate that parents also want to know how can we get into that? What, okay, so we all sit in this space, where to from here?
Sharon Collon (15:44)
So we are going to give you in our workshop series, a lot of scripts and a lot of exact like, you know, solutions to situations. But I also know that in the heat of the moment, you need something right now.
So we've got a framework that we're going to walk you through. So this is called the Three Cs Framework. The three Cs are cool down because we can't do anything. We can't assist anyone to just to regulate if we're dysregulated, communicate and collaborate. And so I want you to remember the three Cs. It's simple on purpose because when you're in the middle of a fight or a car trip between your kids, you don't have the bandwidth for 27 steps.
Before we get into the Three C's Jacquie, there's a mindset shift that matters. Can you explain why prevention beats reaction every time?
Jacquie Ward (16:30)
It is one. And I think it's not as sexy or as impactful as wanting to know what to do in the moment. And I completely appreciate that, but it's equally, if not more important, I do believe. And what we're talking about here, the shift is to focusing not just on how we handle it and what to do when things are really like hitting the fan, but in
all the other moments too. And sometimes that's the piece I think that gets forgotten. So we're to go deep into this in the session sessions. And we've actually dedicated one whole evening to this conversation around this concept alone, but it bears mentioning now too. And the reason it's so important essentially is because we know that all the intentional investment of time, connection, resources and energy from us as parents and caregivers in the moments outside
Every minute of that intentional work saves moments of crisis. 10 minutes of crisis, if you will. I don't know the exact statistical ratio, but I'm sure that the investment here pays dividends when the heat is on. And so that's why we emphasize this and why it is so important. I think what often happens for parents, and I understand why, we get stuck in reactive mode, where we're responding and reacting all the time and on. And this is the hypervigilance piece I spoke about before.
And naturally, when our kids are in conflict multiple times a day or certain transitions really spark that up, we're firing up for those certain parts of our day that we know we're going to have to navigate. But I think there's a whole lot more work that needs to be done around the proactive piece and the pre-work, if you will. And that's something that we are going to focus a lot on as well.
Sharon Collon (18:02)
And I want to flag here that this is being strategic with your time, right?
Jacquie just spoke there about, you know, paying dividends and investing in the prevention work so that you can avoid the conflict as low or minimize conflict, or at least shorten it when it happens. Right. So we want to like play this game smarter. If we can avoid the actual conflict from taking place or at least limit the intensity of it, then that's protecting your energy. And I will take energy, save you time and energy every single time I can, because we need like, we know that.
navigating family life with ADHD in the mix, it's more work. It's more, we need extra time to support our kids through all those transitions. We need extra energy, we need extra space. So let's see if we can claw some of that back when it comes to this predictable problem of sibling conflict. So we're gonna really support you with that too. So before we get into the three Cs framework, I wanna just really preface that this by saying that this sibling conflict is a really big topic.
There is a reason why we've set it up as a three part series, which we want to invite you to. It's complex, it's emotive, and it deserves proper attention. Jacquie, let's take them through the Three Cs.
Jacquie Ward (19:15)
OK, yeah, it's nice to be able to leave with something, right? So as you've already sort of teased out the three Cs that we refer to and that form this core framework that we're looking to set around supporting sibling conflict and reducing and really bringing the intensity down on it. First, we've got
first C is cool down. The second is communicate and the third is collaborate. So I might quickly just cover cool down and then I'll hand over to you if you like for the second. So cool down. This is all based on the very, very scientific fact that it is infinitely harder, if not impossible, to problem solve when we are dysregulated. And yet the first instinct so many parents have when
when they hear the, you I've been here, you hear the fight spark up down the hallway, or maybe you're in the car and it's all in the back seat. Our first reaction is to jump into problem solving mode straight away. And this is really driven by a desire to shut it down, shut it down as quick as we possibly can so we can be done with it because it's deeply uncomfortable or triggering for all of us, okay? But in actual fact, that isn't the most helpful thing.
because the parts of our brain that can be logical, that can problem solve, that can be empathetic to other people's perspectives actually go offline when we're dysregulated. So expecting our kids to be able to show up and think through their actions and think about others' perspectives is A, probably completely unrealistic and B, only going to add more pressure to the situation for us as the parent or caregiver. So cool down really represents this idea that we need to take a beat or a few if that's the case.
and not try and solve the state of the nation mid storm. So that may mean stepping back. It may mean putting, I talk about to my clients, putting myself in time out sometimes, right? I need a minute because I can't be all to everyone when I myself am so dysregulated. And so that's a really important first step before we do any other work.
Sharon Collon (21:06)
And it's important to note here that dysregulation loves a bit of action, right? Like when you are dysregulated, you're watching your kids go at each other and it
feels like you should just jump in. It feels like it's the right thing to do because it loves action. but it takes some practice and we're going to be able to support you with this inside our workshop series too. So the next one is communicate. So once everyone is regulated and doesn't have to be a hundred percent regulated, but we've just brought it down a couple of notches. We want to be able to open the floor for communication. Now, not every bit of conflict needs a whole workshop about
Right? Like sometimes we can just say something like, let's reset and move on. Right? Like we don't need to have a full breakdown on everything, but for those big ones where we're still kind of circling back around to that dysregulation, like what's very prone, like we're to go back to fighting about Lego or whatever they were fighting about. Sometimes we do need to have that communication thing. And I think you alluded to it before. I think you mentioned, we don't want to put ourselves in that referee seat.
when we're dysregulated because that's when we activate our kids' sense of fairness and justice. We don't want to be like getting into the argument of who's right, who started it, whose thing is it. Like that's a very tricky spot to be able to communicate from if you're acting as the ref. So we know that kids with ADHD, often just don't have the language to describe what they actually need. They just react. Hence our car trip to the Blue Mountains. didn't, he could have just said like,
we were thinking he would just say, I can't handle this. I just need to have a break. I am dysregulated. No, none of that happened. We busted out brother's notes, right? So what we they just don't often have the language to do it. So without explicit communication skills, the same conflict can play over and over on a loop. And that's what really sucks the energy out of parents. So each child gets to name. So in this communication piece of
β part of the framework, they get to name what actually happened, what they felt and what they needed. This is where repair can actually start and it's the seed that teaches the kid the skill. Remember everything we do is about building executive function skills and creating a little pro forma for how we handle these things in the future. This is the skill that they can use for their whole life. Like we don't necessarily want it to be a dramatic walkout situation where we don't actually resolve the conflict. Now it doesn't have to be resolved as in everyone's happy.
but having a clear procedure that we follow to be able to lessen it for next time. these are these little sentence starters that we give you inside the workshops and the scripts are really what allows everyone to feel heard.
What to do when one child shuts down, that's on night two, because I know a lot of our kids, when they feel like they're in trouble, they're going to shut down. And we really wanna make sure that you have the scripts to be able to communicate with your kids. If you've got a child who goes, I don't know, for everything, it means that we wanna develop our skills for coaching. We need to be able to support them through that. Can you tell us about step number three, Jacquie.
Jacquie Ward (24:01)
Collaborate, okay, the final pillar of our model here.
And this is where so much of the skill building stuff that Sharon talked about happens. And this is a bit I love and get really jazzed about talking about because tell me if this resonates, right? Sometimes we're given short-term strategies or we implement short-term strategies perhaps about the way we were parented, right? And sometimes they work for a short amount of time until they don't or some don't work at all straight away. Here's what works long-term. If we keep a zoomed out view and remember what we're trying to do here is grow humans.
in our family environment and grow their skills and capacity so they are empowered for life beyond the family as well. What we're looking to do is rather than impose solutions or referee type strategies on them, but instead have them develop skills and abilities to communicate, negotiate, consider others' perspectives, problem solving the moment. This is all the big good work that we're looking to do. So collaborate, taps into all of that.
It teaches kids how to problem solve in those situations. This is also beautiful heads up because when the skills do start to form up, there's less reliance on us as parents and caregivers to be the ones, you know, we're going to need to do some heavy lifting in the start for sure. That's parenting. That's what we're for. But eventually when you start to see it play out and these skills develop and they grow their confidence and be able to navigate conflict situations on their own, that's magic, right? So this is what the collaborate piece is about.
specific strategies, you how we even go about doing this, particularly in families where there's a dynamic of prickliness or defiance or shutdown even amongst the kids. It can be challenging work, but it definitely can be done.
Sharon Collon (25:41)
So we're to be going into great detail on this in night three, because we need to know, we need to have a clear template on how to do this so we don't go back into dysregulation. So we're going to be giving you that and know for you to know what questions to ask.
when one child won't collaborate too. So that is the three Cs. I know we've just touched on it lightly here. We've got cool down, communicate and collaborate. That's the what. Now we want to really empower you with how to do these strategies. It's the magic is in the how. And so this is what we're to be teaching in our three part series.
Jacquie Ward (26:13)
So that was a lot of information, but hopefully your listeners have been able to pull sort of little nuggets out of that. And, you know, it's got them thinking about certain things.
But I guess if we were to like wrap it up with a bow shaw and what is the one thing you want listeners here today to walk away with?
Sharon Collon (26:28)
I think three things to hold on to is the why. So why it is. And I really want you to feel very validated that it probably is more intense in your household. Stop comparing yourself to your sister-in-law's family or like whoever the family is that you are comparing yourself mentally to.
A good place start is with Jacquie and my family who actually has a lot of sibling conflict. And then the reassurance that this is not some sort of parenting failure. You're not doing this wrong, right? Like it's actually really nuanced and really significant. And we need to have those scripts that we can go to when we're dysregulated. And then of course those three Cs, let's have our little go-to that we can
work ourselves through and coach ourselves through so we can support our kids. So one action for this week, notice the first C. So we want to just see how we go into that conflict. Are you unknowingly putting yourself in that rep position? Do we need to just take a beat and cool down? I think I've spoken about it on the podcast before. I do a weird thing. I'm very weird. Where I curl my toes in my, like I scrunch up my feet when.
when I'm dysregulated. So scrunch them up and I let them go, right? And the reason that I do that is it just causes me to pause. So I know I'm going to clench something. It's usually like, I don't want to clench my fist because that's a bit scary. So I clench my toes, right? And I let them go. And that's what I tend to do before I respond because it's my idea of one of my cool down strategies. So I'm wondering if there's an equivalent that feels good for you. Notice that C. Do we need that beat to cool down first? And then start watching.
for when your kids actually need to cool down before anything, before they can do anything else. So is you jumping in as the ref, is that escalating the situation? Cause a lot of the time I noticed when I do that, it does. that single shift will change the next sibling fight. So even without the rest of the playbook that we're going to be giving you in that workshop, I would love you to notice that first C.
So if you want the actual how behind the three Cs, the scripts, the playbook, the in the moment moves and the prevention strategies, Jacquie and I are running a three night live workshop. We start on May 11th to the 13th of May at 7:30 to 8:30(pm) each night. And it is going to be absolutely incredible.
Jacquie Ward (28:45)
I'm so excited for it. Listening to you talk then, I, cause I remember you told me about your toast grunt strategy and I've shared that with clients since.
But do know what I realized I do when the heat is on and it was totally subconscious now I'm aware of it is I rub my heart. It's like a self soothing thing. Like I'll be like, okay. It's obviously me just trying to settle, settle and soothe myself before I do it. So anyway, we all have our little quirky things, right? Now I know as Sharon mentioned the upcoming workshop series which we are both so excited about and I know a lot of people we're speaking to out there in the world similarly. But if you were listening to this and
you're having thought objections pop up, I thought it might be valuable just to wick through some of those, just to discuss them and, you know, sort of work it out with you because I have a feeling that there's some that we could easily overcome. So first one I'm thinking is the time factor, Sharon. You're a busy mum. You get this. Thoughts?
Sharon Collon (29:37)
7:30(pm) at night. I'm like, I'm tired. I don't want to come to the thing. But I just want to reassure you that it's going to be very, very worth your time. And you're already spending hours every week.
managing sibling conflict and that ref ain't getting paid right like you're doing lots of free work on that there's hours going on that and the workshop is three hours in total β so less than one bad afternoon with your kids right and so so you get
the recording for six months so you can go back and watch it. Or if you can't make it live completely fine, watch it at 10pm in your pajamas if you need to. There's absolutely no judgment here. We've made it so that it can fit into your lifestyle. And so the time costs that we go, like, I don't know, Jacquie, I've been felt like I've learned so much β from you. And as we've been going through creating this sibling conflict series that I feel like it's actually saved me a whole bunch of time and energy.
Jacquie Ward (30:32)
Yeah, it's that economy thing of like doing the concentrated learning work upfront, again, paying dividends. Plus, I think like the time thing I get it to three kids work life, you know, WhatsApp groups for all my kids sports, the whole thing. But romanticize it, pull it if you can make this your opportunity to sit, you know, snuggle up away with your cup of tea or sometimes I make myself a little cheese plate when I do these kind of webinars and learning and I just sit at my desk and like, if you can make that an opportunity for you.
You can come, you can have your camera off, you can be in your jammies with a face mask on, whatever you, you know, come as you are. So I think that's the time piece, one covered. What about for the parents who are thinking, man, I've tried so much stuff on sibling conflict before. I feel like I've tried everything. Yeah, I honor that because so many of the parents, and I'm going to say predominantly mothers that come to me in clinic, have read a lot of books, had a lot of conversations and whatnot. And so
you know, I do honor that. However, I feel personally really invested in this particular offering because it's rock solid. It's based in, and the reason it's rock solid is because it's A, evidence-based. We're not just pulling strategies that we think sound wonderful out of thin air. These are coming from Sharon's work as a, an ADHD coach with so many families and my work as well from the research base, but also with the added nuance of lived experience.
I think to read something in or to learn it in our own trainings or read it in a textbook or whatnot is one thing. But when you add in that layer of lived experience as well to the theory, that is what's going to be a game changer. So it's complete, as I said, across the three nights. We've covered it. We go deep into the reasons underpinning these particular challenges with sibling conflict, really get that understanding. And then from there, build on the...
strategies and supports and interventions to support both our kids and ourselves, that's key, in all the areas outside and then of course when the heat is on too. So it's a very complete offering. And for those that feel like they've tried it all, done it all, heard it all, I would challenge you to come along and see if you can't pick up something new in this framework. Yeah, I'm pretty confident and they're going to walk away going, oh my gosh, that was the best thing ever.
Sharon Collon (32:39)
I want to just talk about the price.
of it in a moment because I know that times are tough out there. And so the reason that Jacquie and I wanted to do this workshop series together is because it is cheaper than a single session with either of us. So we've got us both combining our knowledge and we've priced it at a point that is like half the price of our private sessions. it is, we tried to make it very good value so that you can get the three nights.
for and make it a much more affordable option. So what about the parents that are worried about being able to do the strategy in the heat of the moment, particularly if they have ADHD themselves and they're struggling with their own emotional regulation, how can we support them, Jacquie?
Jacquie Ward (33:22)
Yeah, that's again, I think that's a valid question to raise. And it feels nice to be able to say we've got you on that. This is Sharon's zone of genius. And I continue to learn so much from you about your dedication to implementation. I feel like your biggest thing is don't come and learn all the things and then go and not implement like you are going to make sure that your clients are implementing. So with that in mind, we were super deliberate about
the takeaways that you are set up with here. There is a playbook to support you that you'll take away, you know, and use to implement all the goodness that you learn in sessions with us. And that includes actual scripts. There is no inventing, you know, reinventing the wheel here or even you inventing that for yourself. We are going to give you that. You can tweak it to suit the language of your family, of course, but we really want to make sure that you have the actual tangible scripts and strategies to take back and you can put them into play literally.
That day.
Sharon Collon (34:14)
Amazing. So I can't wait. I can't wait for this. as I said, I've noticed I've been trialing and road testing everything in my own family. And I've seen such a great improvement in this very predictable friction point. I'm not brave enough to go to the blue mountains again just yet, but I will be soon blocking that out. So what I really hope that parents take away from this session is you are not stuffing this up. Your family is not beyond support.
This is a very predictable standard friction point across all families navigating ADHD. I don't want you to feel like it's somehow beyond help. All it is is a friction point that needs our attention for a little bit and a little bit of a script and a little bit of strategy and intentional energy put towards these friction points to see if we can make this easier for you.
Jacquie Ward (35:02)
Yeah, absolutely. Thanks to if you've made it this far all the way through this episode, hopefully you've got some things to take away today. But I would really, you know, confidently encourage you to consider joining us for the workshop series. I think where the real beauty lies in, yes, it's going to address sibling conflict in depth, all the things we've talked about, but there's a flow on effect for that for your family too.
as a flow and effect for the kids' relationships, your relationships, and the harmony of your whole home. And that feels exciting and worth considering. So thank you, and I hope that you'll join us.
Sharon Collon (35:32)
I am so excited. So those details are inside the show notes. So it's May 11 to 13 at 7:30(pm). And we have the live and recording available for six months. And I hope to see you there.
Jacquie Ward (35:44)
Bye.
