Sharon Collon [00:00:00]:
If you're constantly walking on eggshells around your child with adhd, feeling like you're failing as a parent or exhausted from the daily battles, you are not alone. But what if I told you that mastering just three simple skills could completely transform your family dynamic? Today, I'm sharing the three skills that will help you move from reactive to responsive parenting and finally create a home that is a little bit more calm and connected. You know, the one that you've been dreaming. I'm Sharon Collin and I've been supporting families with adhd for over 17 years. As both a credentialed ADHD coach and someone who understands the unique challenges of ADHD parenting, I know how overwhelming it can feel when traditional parenting advice just doesn't work. The truth is, children with ADHD need a different approach, one that works with their brain, not against it. Today we're diving deep into the three foundational skills that will revolutionize how you parent. It is my CRC method.
Sharon Collon [00:01:06]:
Over the years I have watched parents of kids with ADHD rip themselves apart. Honestly, it is one of the most distressing parts of my job and I feel for them. In my heart. They're convinced that somehow they're stuffing it up. And often their energy is just zapped by overcomplicated systems and parenting strategies that they're just too hard to remember in the moment. You know what I'm talking about. You read some strategy, you go to implement it. But when you're emotionally triggered and you're exhausted, you can't quite keep it up and you can't remember what to do at the right time and it just feels like you're perpetually failing and nothing works.
Sharon Collon [00:01:42]:
So this is why my CRC method works. It is simple and it gets results. It helps steer you in the right direction every time. For every scenario. The three words that make up this method are curious, regulated and clear. I want you to remember crc. Get it tattooed on your hand if you need to. These aren't just buzzwords, they're research backed strategies that help address the core needs of children with ADHD and are going to help you decide which path to take when things get tricky.
Sharon Collon [00:02:15]:
The first skill set is the curious mindset. Curiosity means approaching your child's behaviour as communication rather than defiance. So when your child has a meltdown or throws a challenging behavior, instead of assuming that they're being difficult, get curious. So what this feels like to me is when I see that behavior, I ask myself this question. I wonder what is going on for them in this moment. Now, this helps me shift from where my brain wants to go naturally. My brain wants to make it about me somehow. It wants to make it about the inconvenience, how we don't have time for this.
Sharon Collon [00:02:52]:
Oh, my gosh, I'm terrible at this. You know, that's what my brain wants to do do. And so it's. And it takes me away from the shoulds. We know that a lot of parenting is about shoulds. They should be able to. Why can't they just. Why can't they get out the door? What is going on? You know? You know, this is really incompetent.
Sharon Collon [00:03:07]:
We don't have time. Why are they doing this? Again, all of these thoughts race through our heads. But you see how when we ask ourselves, I wonder what is going on for them in this moment? The approach helps you look underneath the behavior and shift out that frustration to find the real reasons why the behavior is showing up. So when we approach our child with curiosity, we model this to them so they can do the same when a challenging behavior comes up for them or for other people when we don't, it is often perceived as judgment. So when we go in with, they should be able to. Why can't they? You know, all the things that our brains naturally want to do, it's often perceived as judgment, which we know is a big breeding ground for rejection, sensitivity, dysphoria. But when it's perceived as judgment, it just doesn't get us anywhere. It puts us in this loop of inaction or in frustration and escalates the situation.
Sharon Collon [00:04:04]:
But when we stop and approach things with a curious mindset, I wonder what's going on for them in this moment. Often, that is the perfect cue that they need, and we need to be able to help them navigate through that challenging situation. Skill set 2 the regulated response. So being regulated means managing your own emotional state. Oh, my gosh. This is just so hard because you can assist your child. Like when you need to be regulated to be able to assist your child to regulate dysregulation is contagious. If my child's dysregulated in front of me, I'm dysregulated.
Sharon Collon [00:04:40]:
We're all, like, spiraling into this big dysregulation whirlwind. So. So we spend so much time talking to our child and assisting them with strategies to regulate. But here's the thing. We actually need to focus more on our regulation game because our children model off us. It is just such an important part of this journey. So if you're looking at regulation, you've got a very dysregulated household like mine. Or we need to model regulation.
Sharon Collon [00:05:13]:
We need to give our kids something to model off. And so what that looks like is our game has to improve first. Before we can assist our child to regulate, our game has to be on point first. How do I do that? Not all the time. Very well. I've got to say, I am not a naturally regulated or patient person, but I have learned over the years that being regulated ultimately assists the boys and it actually helps them be regular. I've caught them catching themselves before. Things escalate to actually regulate, which is interesting.
Sharon Collon [00:05:47]:
These aren't taught skills. These are things that they're modeling. So let your first word be your breath. When it's a safety situation and your child has the kitchen knife or is about to jump off the roof or whatever it is that my boys are doing that week, jump in if you need to. But when it's not a safety situation, let your first word be your breath. What our brains tell us to do is to come in with reasoning or arguing. But what I want you to try is to have your first word be your breath. So as something triggering happens or dysregulating happens, we just take a breath before we say anything.
Sharon Collon [00:06:22]:
Now, don't jump into action unless it's a safety issue. And remember, your child's dysregulation is not about you. It's about their developing brain. So the other thing I really like to do when my kids are dysregulated is slow. And when I'm dysregulated, too, is slow it down. I slow my voice down. I slow my response time down. Because dysregulation, it really likes speed.
Sharon Collon [00:06:47]:
It likes to speed things up. Dysregulation is about action. But often what we need to become regulated again is just to slow the pace down, slow our voice down. So often as I find myself becoming dysregulated, I will intentionally slow my pace down. I'll move a little slower. I'll just do one. I'll scale it back to one thing at a time. When I catch myself dysregulated and doing 100 different things, but not actually moving the needle at all, I slow it down.
Sharon Collon [00:07:13]:
The third skill is clear communication. Clear communication means setting specific, achievable expectations that your child with ADHD can actually follow. So children with ADHD need to know exactly what others expect from them and don't perform well in ambiguous situations. So we don't tend to go Very well with sort of those broad, sweeping instructions. So instead of saying something like, be good, which, I mean, to be honest, we see this in praise as well a lot, but be good. Let's try and narrow it down and go specific. I'm going to say something like, please try and put your backpack in the spot. Let's just go for the one thing at a time.
Sharon Collon [00:07:56]:
So I am so guilty for this. I capture a glimmer of hope when my boys are listening to what I'm saying. I'm stacking jobs in there. I'm like, well, why are you getting your shoes? Can you please pick up your backpack? And can you please do all these other X, y, Z things? And I stack the instructions, and it just leads to masses of confusion. My kids have actually said to me, they're like, mom, can you just give us one thing at a time? I can't. Like, my brain can't process this information. So this is where that clear communication comes in. We're just going to go for that really clear, concise instructions.
Sharon Collon [00:08:29]:
We don't have to explain the reason why all the time. In fact, the less words, the better. So sometimes I end up just talking in words. So I'll be like, backpack spot. As long as I'm doing it with a kind expression in my face, I can let go of the plays and all that sort of stuff. And I might back it up with a thank you so much for doing your things this morning or whatever. But you don't have to fluff every instruction out. The less words the better.
Sharon Collon [00:08:53]:
And making sure that it's really concise, that they can hit the targets on what that situation is and what that instruction is. So remember, don't stack tasks. Keep your instructions short, to the point, and very clear about what it is. And I've got to say, I am so guilty for this one as well. I think these three skills are the things that I've had to work on the hardest but have been the most rewarding. I've gotten into the habit of saying my instruction in my head first before I say it out loud. Because if I say it in my head, I can narrow it down a little bit and ask myself whether it's, you know, precise enough. So we want to go for really, really clear communications.
Sharon Collon [00:09:30]:
Give one clear direction at a time, wait for completion, and then you ask them for the next step. You move forward to the next step. So these three skills, crc, curious, regulated, and clear, are your foundation for ADHD parenting success. Start with just one this week and watch how it transforms your daily interaction. Which skill will you focus on first? I'd love for you to pose in our big free support group. Which skill you're going to focus on first? Thank you for listening to this episode of the ADHD Families Podcast. If you loved it, please share it on your socials. I want this to start a conversation about adhd.
Sharon Collon [00:10:14]:
If you want to make this mum do a little happy dance, please leave a review on itunes. If you would like to know more about what we do, check out thefunctionalfamily. Com. I truly hope that you enjoyed this podcast and you use it to create a wonderful, effective, joyful life with your beautiful children.
